The Adventures of Medical Spouse

A Blogumentary on the life, issues, headaches and butt-aches of the Spouse, Partner, Wife and Computing Saviour of the Doctor in training as well as those of his close and distant relatives. I am compiling current views, (it's residency ya'll) stories from the last 8 years(admissions, placement, school, the match, residency and the search for real work) and advice for others in the same strange and (uh) wonderful situation.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Take your audolaryngynoscope and stick it

(sorry about the weird formatting, I'm getting used to the publishing site)

Every family has fights. Partners get angry. This blog is about being angry due to
the job. However I can't begin there. I have to begin with egos. Most doctors (I'm not saying all mind you) have pretty big and bruisable egos. You have to. There is so much competition, so many people watching your every move, so much needing to prove you're good that a tiny ego just wouldn't stand out enough. After the 4 years of med school, and past "The Match" into residency most docs have survived the equivalent of the perfect storm. The result is extremely capable (in most cases) very knowledgeable people who can enter a patients room exuding command of the disease, condition, pregnancy etc. That's what we all want to see on our doctor. On the other side of the white coat is someone who jumps ten feet at the sight of criticism and who puts EVERYTHING behind the job.

It's when this monster rears it head that I get really pissed. Beyond reason. And phrases like "You are a very mean man" come out of my mouth. I had several opportunities recently to attempt to stick his instruments in holes that were not meant to contain metal.

Like when he had to think over letting me have the cell phone while driving on icy roads in the middle of the night because he might get a message to go to the hospital. Mind you, he was at home, with a home phone on which to recieve this call and I'm not sure who he thought he might call on the road to the hospital after he confirmed the call. My point? He had better damn well hand over that phone so that if I when off the road I could dial 911 because the people in Madison have a rich tradition of something called

Wisconsin translation alert:
Roadies are the martinis you make at home and put in travel cups to drink on the way to the bar. The bar and the roadies are exeedingly popular here. But then, so is Mourning Dove and Ferril Cat hunting.

So, here a person is on a snowy country road possibly surrounded by people drinking roadies on the way to or from the bar. Makes you want to learn to fly.

The other issue we face is sick days. My husband is expected to show up sick to a point. That point being when the patient doesn't want the doctor anywhere near him. Occasionally family members also get sick including the spouse in charge of other family members. Last time this happened I had the flu. AND my asthma kicked up. I woke up in the morning and said I was really sick. The DOCTOR said,

"Oh just stay on the couch all day, Cedar can watch TV"

I said, "No you stupid asshole I'm REALLY sick as in not breathing! Get me to the damn doctor or I'm going to eviscerate you..."

It took a little while for that to sink in by he eventually realized that if he didn't get me to the ER and then stay home and help he wouldn't be staying home again. Ever.

It is all due to
the job. This is not to say only doctors do this, it's to say, know when you're being stupid and unreasonable to your family, if that is, if you actually want to keep your family. I've met heart surgeons who have been married and divorced five times. The minimum seems to be twice in that specialty. And really, these people are maniacs about their job and you kinda want them to be when it's you under the knife. Some of it is personality, some of it is colleague pressure, some is the specialty and some is perceived pressure. That's the one to watch out for.

Anywho, I've got to go pull that audolarynynoscope out...


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